Hello. My name is Eryl and I’m a recovering To-Doer. I’ve spent the better part of my life making checklists, crossing tasks off and looking for more to ‘get done.’ To the outside world I’ve likely seemed super organized, goal oriented and/or pretty damn anal. To the inside world, my world, I’ve been drowning in obligation and rejecting the natural flow of life. Feeling stuck and uptight.
Now, I’m not saying there’s no value in writing down what you want to address because there is– there can be HUGE value in putting paper to pen and creating intention. However, when your lists become the lens through which you see your world and your present moment you give up the ability to BE. The ability to trust the process. The power to see that it will all get done…eventually, one way or another. Such is life.
To be or not to be…that’s truly the question. You are either in this moment, right here, right now, facing and responding to what’s directly in front of you, or you are in the past or future non-reality. As I’m learning, it’s all about balance. Taking care of past concerns, preparing for the future AND living in the now. It takes awareness and presence to find the sweet spot in the middle of your timelines but the reward is incredible: alignment with the universe and all that you deserve- love, space, freedom, peace and joy.
Creating lists serves me when creating goals, addressing what I need to address professionally, mentally and physically but it doesn’t serve me when all I do is see what needs to get done ie: laundry, bills, emails. It doesn’t serve my higher self to obsess over my non-necessary to-dos because I begin to view myself in the same way- as someone who must do, not be, not live, not love.
I used to write checklist after checklist down in my journals or my phone or computer, whenever and wherever I could. As if I couldn’t trust my own brain to remember what’s really important and what needs attention. I’d get a junkie’s high from crossing items off the list. But, the adrenaline would be followed by a quick low- the realization that there’s always more–it never ends. It became my hell and not my saviour.
How have I let go of my attachment to doing? I’ve recommitted to my daily meditation- 5, 10, 30 minutes or whatever I need to feel grounded and connected to the present moment. I keep my external gaze closed and my internal gaze focused on my third eye- the centre of my forehead- my and your centre of intuition. I connect myself to my innate ability to know what my next steps are and where I need to place my attention. I feel my breath fill my body and create space for possibility. I get anchored to my now.
I practice yoga daily, regardless of how many classes I’ve taught. I’ll whip out my mat for 5 Sun A’s or a 2 hour flow- whatever my present moment allows. I do this with intention, to repeatedly choose my now.
One of my favourite spiritual leaders, Eckhart Tolle, talks about ending our self-inflicted suffering by making “the present moment into your friend.” So, I do that. I choose to accept where I’m at, however many things I’ve accomplished and checked off and listen to what my body needs today. I am friends with my present moment and my to-dos of yesterday, today and tomorrow.
If you’re in it right now, tearing your hair out because you believe you haven’t done enough, take a deep breath. Sit back. Remember all you have done to date and the way in which all eventually gets taken care of. Take a break. It will be there for you tomorrow and the next day…or not, that’s up to you. Go live. Love. Be.
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